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>From Good Time Charlie<letshavesomefun@Yahoo.net>
>Mime-Version: 1.0
>Date: Fri, 7 Nov 2003 22:15:53 -2004
>To: marsha@st-croix.net
>Subject: Club Dead
>X-Spam-Score: 0.0 (/)

>Dear Marsha,

>I hear that they call the St. Croix Yacht Club "Club Dead". Someone said it is because there are so many old people there. Is it true?

>Signed,
>Island Tramp

Dear Island Tramp,

Well, kinda. But it has nothing to do with them passing on. The Yacht Club used to have bands, but they spent all the money sending the children to sailing boot camp. So bands are out unless there is a Regatta or something going on. They also used to play cd's, but the Sargent-At-Arms kept turning the music off (when he wasn't standing up and telling everyone to "shut up"). Now we just sit around in our cover-ups and drink beer while swatting mosquitoes and watching the sailboats go by. It is relaxing.

Toodles,
Marsha

________________________________________

>From Baby<mistresslovetoyou@aol.net>
>Mime-Version: 1.0
>Date: Sat, 4 Oct 2003 20:25:53 -2000
>To: marsha@st-croix.net
>Subject: EAST END CRAP?
>X-Spam-Score: 0.0 (/)

>Dear Marsha,

>What is that crap they are building on the East End, down there by the mailboxes, and across from that nice new house the people built on the beach? This isn't another money making scheme by the government is it - you know, get a grant and split up the money. I heard it is section eight housing. Is it true?

>Signed,
>What is going to happen to my property values

Dear What is going to happen to my property values,

Not to worry about a thing Honey. The Governor was there just the other day breaking ground and I am sure he is on top of things. There are only 6 proposed houses (with room for 24 more). They are model solar houses that will save the owners tons of money on their utility bills. It is such a wonderful thing they are doing. Finally, affordable housing for the masses. All you have to do to qualify is have a family income between $75,000 and $81,000 (I guess I will keep on renting). Sorry, there are only 6 available and priority goes to those already signed up for the VI Bread and Cheese program. But if you are not lucky enough to get one you could always buy one of the other 89 properties that are available on the island for under $200,000.

Toodles,
Marsha

________________________________________

>From IM Pissedoff<themadestofallladies@earthstinks.net>
>Mime-Version: 1.0
>Date: Fri, 2 Oct 2003 19:53:53 -0600
>To: marsha@st-croix.net
>Subject: THERE'S A RAT IN THE WALL WHAT I'M A GONNA DO
>X-Spam-Score: 0.0 (/)

>Dear Marsha,

>I am not sure you are the right person to talk to about this, but if you are not please pass it on to your tourism board. I stayed at a place called Villa In The Gut that my travel agent here in the sates assured me was very nice. She saw nice pictures on the internet and was able to book "Directly with the owner". Well to make a long story short, it was a nightmare. We arrived at the airport and although we were told that someone would meet us, the only one who met us was the airlines employee who informed us that out luggage didn't show up. After asking her if she knew who I was (while she filed her finger nails) and telling her that my luggage better be there when I come back, we hopped in a cab and tried to find this place. The taxi driver didn't even know where the place was but said he did know where most of the guts were and that he would try to find it. He kept taking us to all these low-lying wet areas and finally found Villa In The Gut. I had to run from the taxi to the house to avoid getting eaten alive by the mosquitoes. What a mess! The appliances all had rust on them, the electric went off, the cable TV didn't work, no internet connection, the grill had old hot dogs in it, and that was only the beginning. While the electric was off I tried to take a shower and with my hair all soaped up.....we ran out of water. My husband climbed into bed and was bitten by this long skinny brown thing with about 100 legs. He became dizzy and fell on the floor. I pulled him into one of the other bedrooms to try to save him and then I noticed this terrible odor. I think it was a dead rat in the wall. We took a taxi back to the airport and the next plane out of St. Croix.

>I have heard that there are better places on St. Croix. Is it true?

>Signed,
>IM Pissedoff

Dear IM Pissedoff,

My, my, my, you did have quite the experience. You-should-have-ask-meeee. Your travel agent knows absolutely nothing about our lovely island, but I am happy to know that one finally sent someone here. Sorry bout the rat.

Toodles,
Marsha

________________________________________

>From Beach Bum Bob<bbb@comiecast.net>
>Mime-Version: 1.0
>Date: Sun, 5 Oct 2003 19:05:53 -2100
>To: marsha@st-croix.net
>Subject: ST CROIX WHERE ARE YOU?
>X-Spam-Score: 0.0 (/)

>Dear Marsha,

>How come everytime I search on google for St. Croix, the pages that come up are for St. Croix County Wisconson? I heard you have a tourism department. Is it true?

>Signed,
>Wanting a warm place to go

Dear Wanting a warm place to go.

Now you hold on one minute pal! Don't start bashing our department of tourism. They have spent more money than you can imagine on our web site. And we have more people sitting around in offices all over the world than there are people in St. Croix County Wisconson. It is not our fault that you are too stupid to find us. Everyone knows that you don't just search St. Croix. You have to search St. Croix Department of Tourism and then click through a bunch of pages. You will eventually see something about us. Stop being so lazy!

Toodles,
Marsha

________________________________________

>From generalchow@hotsaus.net Sun Oct 05 13:48:46 2003>Mime-Version: 1.0Date: Sun, 5 Oct 2003 13:50:06 -0400
>To: marsha@st-croix.net
>Subject: DEM DAM ANTS
>X-Priority: 3
>X-MSMail-Priority: Normal
>X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft Mime
>X-Spam-Score: 0.5 (/)

>Dear Marsha,

>If anyone thinks the ants in the hotels are bad, they should come to my house. You know, here in St. Croix, we have an ant season. (We also have mosquito season, gongolo season, centipede season, sahara dust season, Montserrat ash season, and many other unique seasons.) Anyway, back to the ants. At first I had a problem with the ants (and the roaches, and the lizards, and all the other bugs.) So, I thought, you know, I have this great big refrigerator right here in my kitchen, why not use it. I now keep EVERYTHING in my refrigerator. I've got so much stuff in my refrigerator there's no room for our food. My husband says when we build a next house, he's going to put in a walk-in refrigerator so I can sleep in it. (I've been accosted by a few centipedes in bed.)   I'm not a dirty person (ok, well, maybe my mind and my mouth are a little warped sometimes) but I swear, I never had one bug in my house before I moved to St. Croix. Hell, I never even had a centipede or a roach in my purse either. The bad thing about having a centipede or roach in your purse (other than the fact that those centipede stings really hurt) is that it always picks the most inopportune time to decide to come out...like at the checkout stand at Kmart, the checkout stand at Schooner Bay, on my desk at work or on the counter at the pathology lab. (Wish I was kidding about this.)   So, for all of you complaining about the ants, I agree, get over it, or I'll send a centipede after you.

>Signed,
>Need a bigger refrigerator

Dear Need a bigger refrigerator,

Darling, if you are going to sleep in your refrigerator be sure to use a scuba tank, unless you are luck enough to have one of those sub-zeros with the leaky gaskets. I know you like to put EVERYTHING in the frig, but I would put the bugs in the feezer.

Toodles,
Marsha

________________________________________

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